Part 96 – A Painting…

I’ve always had vivid dreams. I have even seen things in dreams, that later became reality…and I’ve seen a lot of rubbish too. As a child, I would dream “in metaphors” usually reflecting my sadness as a child…though since my teens, only dreamt of very real situations and people. That was, until last night.
I’ve not been very happy for a while now. I find myself frustrated with a world, full of people, of which the majority are very selfish, ignorant and all too easily lead by the dubious morals of those you’d hope would know better. The world has become a simple place to understand. Our religious and political leaders are able to mislead and poison the masses…because the masses are generally, so stupid and choose to ignore their own ignorance in favour of their own personal gain. Those leaders, inherently selfish, are then able to manipulate and cheat…and even find support in a people, who either simply don’t know better, or simply don’t care. Perhaps it’s become unavoidable since I came to live on a small island, where the selfishness, political manipulation and religious hypocrisy aren’t so much “common” as they are part of the culture. Then you have those who preach “being positive” and “healing the self”….whose answer to everything is “stay positive”…and “buy my book” or “attend my classes”, much like the TV preachers who sell their Gods by the pound. They too adhere to a selfishness that I have come to despise and resent. A huge generalization? Perhaps it is, but the evidence has become unquestionable, at least to me. And the few bright lights, those who see that we’ve created this hell…are so vastly outnumbered…that the hope of change has become at best, futile.

I’ve tried to make a stand, defend those who needed defending, argued with stupidity…tried to demonstrate why a position is flawed. In some cases, I’ve made a difference…but in the big picture, it’s a very, very small difference. Strangely, I’ve made myself very unpopular for simply showing an honesty that people these days would class as “being negative”. Yet, surely a change for good is “positive”, even a well intentioned attempt at such? In any case, I seem to have been conditioned, or born to resent the injustices all around us.

My friends have said I must create my own “bubble”, that I have to find an inner happiness…and then I see the news, and a child beheaded in Syria…and I find I don’t want to be that selfish…even for some inner-peace. On Facebook, you can put up a video of people being burned today, for witchcraft…and get no comments. But, put up an image of Justin Bieber having sex with a goat, or a picture of a pink pair of heels…and you’ll get 200 “likes” and comments! With these and other thoughts…I finally fall asleep…

There’s a large canvas, I’m watching figures with brushes painting a small child to the center, with brush strokes emanating outwards. As the child grows, I see it’s me and the painting continues to grow as I now seem to be in control of the brushes. It takes on a beauty when suddenly, people behind me are spraying water at it. I quickly repaint areas, though the colours begin running into each other. The water is spraying now, and I try to shield the canvas with my back…continuing to repair the image, and trying to add new areas. I turn and try to reason with the people…but to no avail. It continues until I turn again and march towards the aggressors. They finally leave, and as I turn back to the canvas…it has started to rain…and I slump to the ground, brushes in hand…as the picture becomes ruined…colours sliding off the canvas and onto the ground in front of me…

I look upwards, close my eyes…and feel the rain, falling on my face…

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