I’m NOT the Messiah…I’m a very naughty boy…! Part 1

Here is the lesson…and the lesson is…Never Ever tell anyone you are the Resurrection of Jesus Christ!! So, now we’re all mindful of that….here “starteth” the lesson…!

A few weeks ago, three women came to my gates. I went out to greet them, wondering what they might want, yet dreading what I knew, all too well, was to come…

“Good afternoon!” they chorused. “And a good afternoon to you too…how may I be of service ladies?” The usual pained minutes of “small-talk” were endured before the point of the visit was revealed…

Any vague hopes I had at that point, that they might be offering a free massage, or perhaps  here to demonstrate some new way of waxing in a Brazilian style…were as I feared…just vague hopes…as they continued…

“Well…we’ve come to share our word with you today…have you taken Jesus into your life?”

Now, there were so many answers I could have stated at this point…so many enlightening, educational, patronising and even dismissive retorts whirled around my mind….but in that split second, and because I like to laugh…I decided on the humourous response….

“Well ladies, this must be your most wondrous day….because, and brace yourselves for news that I think you’ll like…you see…I am….in fact…the second coming! Yes….you guessed it….Jesus Christ”! Their eyes widened, almost as wide as their now open mouths…and I continued…..

“Yes, you’re the first to discover, that I, your Lord, has finally returned to be among you…and the others of my flock….so…let me hear you say “Praise the Lord!!”!!

sbrn27l

All this time, I’d managed to keep a straight face…tested to the nth degree  when one of the ladies almost repeated the phrase…but seemingly decided against it. Their faces were pictures of a confusion…almost a fearful look in the eyes…as they looked anxiously at each other…until one stepped forward…and touched my hand which was resting on the gate. Yes, she had “laid her hands upon me”! As she did so, she looked up into my eyes…and I smiled back…and in an Oscar winning performance…said “Bless You”…..at which point, tears flooded her eyes…and she smiled…

Now, I’ve had a knack of foresight in my life….generally knowing what someone will say or do, some time before they do. I use the personality, words and responses of others to inform myself of things I might want to avoid….or not! Looking back, at that change in her aura at the moment she touched me…I should have heard the loudest of warning bells…but for some reason…my senses either failed…or more likely….I was simply too wrapped up in the irony of the moment!

So, these three ladies, drained of their charms, still not speaking, backed away up the drive….not taking their eyes off me. And typical of my English humour, I decided to take things further…

As they continued to back away, faster now….I opened the gates and stepped onto the path…and holding my arms outstretched…I shouted…

“Hey, where are you going….hey…come back! Oh come on now…look….I died for you…DIED! And let me tell you, those nails were bloody sharp….BLOODY SHARP!”

A neighbour laughed, my housekeeper chuckled….and I returned to the house to question myself as to whether this “Typical English Humour” had broached the realms of cruelty or disrespect. I actually regretted not having been more “Christ-like”….but given the response…perhaps I had been after all?

At that point, I made a fresh coffee, loaded up 230 wedding images to edit…and sat chuckling in the usual manner that people do when they live alone…and have to find ways to amuse themselves…when “self-appreciation” is really the only option.

Now, a few weeks later….I can chuckle at that poor man…self-satisfied with his own comedy….and totally unaware of the horrors that those 20 minutes would lead to….

 

 

 

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3 Replies to “I’m NOT the Messiah…I’m a very naughty boy…! Part 1”

  1. brilliant cant wait to do that on the next “brain dead” as I have electric gates will add a bit more drama when I lock them in for 10mins of my preaching

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